Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
