Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
