Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
two words...techno handjob
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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