ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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