I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
