I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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