I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
