There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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