I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
