I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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