dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
