The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
