I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
