Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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