My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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