everyone is single if you try hard enough
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
