I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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