Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Help. Why am I so naked?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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