Porn is love you can see.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
