that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
