dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize