My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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