I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
