This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
