I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
