What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize