I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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