So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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