Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
