the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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