Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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