Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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