I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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