i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
