I'm eating all of the evidence.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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