If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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