he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
