I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
