Sry I called you an 8
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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