A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
