glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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