woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
