I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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