woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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