I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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