the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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