What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my phone needs a breathalizer
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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