lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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