I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
