I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
