I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
