Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
