when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
