i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
