ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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