I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
