Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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