what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
