Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
